my bike was stolen
comedy is gay wednesday 5/21
the ice blob in my beverage fridge has been melting with the spring and it now looks like two heaving breasts, with ice drip nipples and all. my celibacy is reaching a critical point. it’s medical at this point.
it’s spring! everything is in the air! dandelion seeds fly in the wind while neighbors trauma dump at the citi bike station and we are all desperately trying to resell our hideous last season thrifted clothes with sweat and period stains.
tickets to comedy is gay wednesday 5/21
i sold one pair of blue gogo boots for $10 store credit then spent $60 immediately on new stuff. instead of selling my clothes i donated it hansel and gretel style all over the fences of bushwick. go find my bleach stained big bud press pants! they’re somewhere!
the air outside feels so good. i walked to the park this morning to do my morning pages at the chess tables and didn’t bring my phone. i half expected everyone to get really worried and put out a missing persons report but it was actually fine. i had no texts when i got home. i am rediscovering the joy of writing poetry while i’m high on weed in my room alone at night. my cat is turning 5 on thursday and yesterday i woke up to him perched on the dresser in the hall (which he never does) and when i picked him up he had a string of pink tinsel hanging out of his asshole with three poops hanging off it like a pearl necklace. how romantic.
i am emerging from a dark cloud that lasted for about a year and a half and finding joy again. finding funny! i was looking through my camera roll for my name so i could find crazy text messages people sent me so i could make blackout poetry of them. it turns out, most of the things that came up were actually really nice and it totally turned around my mood. i also saw some old tweets that made me laugh really hard. this is from my friend tyler’s substack which always cracks me up. this made me so happy and made me miss when the submarine was the biggest of my worries.
this tweet of mine also made me laugh. it’s so much better that there’s only 6 likes as well.
i have a crush for the first time in deeply so long. i literally haven’t had a fling since the summer of 2023 and that basically ruined me. it’s so annoying that people who hurt my feelings are in whole ass relationships but it’s cool i’m vibing with my cat and making collages and i now have favorite porn stars which i’m sure is horrifying to my mom. sorry queen!
something happened to me which was so hard, i discovered my two favorite porn stars have a video together and watched it and it was sooooo bad. one of them was like moaning crazy porn style and she didn’t seem like herself. it made me sad, to see her acting so far from the character of hers i know and love. i wonder if porn stars have passion porn projects then work porn projects. like i’ll fuck this guy in the pig mask because it pays but what i’m really passionate about is the lesbian 3some work with my two close friends. what do porn stars do when they age out? do they direct?
another tragedy is that my bike was stolen over the weekend. please dont victim blame me— i had so many men respond to my story asking if i locked my bike up. do you think i’m an idiot? of course it was locked! i live in the baddest city in the world, of course there is the technology to steal my bike!!
my dear friend ricky gave me this bike about 3 years ago when i was first living in new york and was working at walter’s. she was perfect— lightweight, painted turquoise, had red pedals (redals), and a little phone mount. i rode her to work every day at walter’s, about 11 minutes there and back and when it rained and snowed i’d take the bus. i rode her across the williamsburg and brooklyn bridge, to the lesbian party, to countless shows and readings, listened to so many albums and songs on her, namely every chappell roan single as they dropped over and over on repeat. troye sivan, addison rae, lady gaga, all the pop divas helped me get where i needed to go.
i feel so nostalgic about it all. i’m moving out of my apartment in august after 3 years of being here and the change is making me feel so crazy. to lose my bike on top of it all? i’m terrified! i have such a hard time imagining the future, but when i look back on the past, it is always fondly. why do we look forward with such dread and back with such sweetness? i want to look to tomorrow sweetly, without fear.
RIP my bike 2022-2025
here are some photos/notes in my phone i found by searching “bike”
i love you, that’s all <3
brooke
Fool by Frankie cosmos forever love this post < 3